29.Jan.2002

cul-de-sac

--

we'd rather lose than fight

This weekend I (very mannerly) instructed the Commune of Insanity to go fuck itself, and I stayed here. Jesse came by obsessively this weekend and made pancakes. I later professed his pancakes were better than sex. Stayed with Giz last night. Walked an hour and fifteen minutes to nowhere; I wanted to find the vacuous field next to the Industrial site and absorb my introspective bullshit under the Winter clouds, constantly shaping, changing, moving.

Instead I zoned in on a darkened cul-de-sac and just watched the quiet houses. In the distance, traffic died, time stopped, the earth rose, there was only that moment, there was only that cul-de-sac.

The moment passed and I returned to Giz's place. I fell asleep tossing, woke up jerking, returned to my place at nine this morning merely to find Jay had called at 8:27 last night.

I have no plans of calling him back.

Instead, I'll flow with the rich yet subtle chords of synthetic violin strings ejaculating through my headphones, and I'll stare blankly ahead at the neighbor's house.

Then I will pull my head out of my ass and go on with my day.

Where the hell are you guys, anyway? I miss you.

--

time & machine