02.Aug.2001
what a girl must do to get an icy berry drink at two in the morning
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No, Mr. Crank Addict, I Don't Have Any Money.
He didn't buy it, though. After just coming back from walking around my neighbourhood at two in the morning, I was approached by a gentleman who reeked of pot. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate pot. Pot puts me to sleep. I need something more upbeat. Like E. Now, why, do you ask, is a white woman under the age of 24 walking around her neighbourhood at two in the morning? Because the car's broken. I don't drive, anyway. And I really needed an Icy Berry fruit drink from Dunkin' Donuts.
Upon buying this fruity tastiness full of sugar that will soon make me convulse, I headed toward the direction of home by taking a side-street, where I was then approached by Mr. Crank. He wanted a cigarette. He was going to buy it off of me. I said, "Don't worry about it, it's alright, enjoy the cig."
He then said, "Do you have any weed?"
Without punching this man in the face, I said, "No, I don't smoke up."
"You don't?" asks the Crank fiend.
"No," I repeated, "I don't."
I then continued in the direction of home politely, when he stopped me again.
"Would you like some bud?" he asked.
Trying not to hit him in the face with my delicious, Icy Berry fruit drink of the gods, I said, "No. No, I wouldn't. Have a nice night."
Then he went on to tell me he had crank, and lots of crank, and in fact he pulled the crank out of his trousers (no, not that one, you perves), and showed it off to me, fingering it, making lusty crank noises at it, showing it off to me as if I'm supposed to drop to my knees and thank God he just bestowed this bag of crank to me. This went on for ten minutes. Bobby the Crank Fiend, he was, and then he invited to take me to his place. By this point, I was unnerved. Scared? Maybe slightly, but most importantly irked by his fucked-uppedness. Then I said, "I don't want anything from you."
He then said, "Give me your money."
I took out a five dollar bill, stuffed it into his hand, looked him in the face and said, "Here, now go light your ass on fire and have a pleasant, fucking evening."
Luckily for me, he went away with the money.
I was probably going to use it on drugs, anyway.
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time & machine