19.dec.2003

please don't take this seriously. i have stupidly physical flaws, too.

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verbosity

Following my recent break-up, I've noticed an insane amount of SPAM in my inbox. Primarily it deals with the issues of sexual dysfunction, and this amuses me with no visible end.

"Does size matter? Of course it matters!"

Tchyeah.

I'm not one to debate this topic, so I won't. I'll agree with it.

Of course size matters. I'm not a sexually satisfied beast of a lust-glutton until my cervix is numb and bruised, until I have had to say, "Ouch!" within the first two seconds of penetration, and until various sexual positions are just an absolute fucking impossibility because of it.

If I've ever had to say, "No, it's alright, I'm just happy to be with you." to a lesser-endowed lover, I was probably lying.
Why was I lying?
Because I'm a compulsive liar and I probably loved them.
Why could I have possibly tricked myself into thinking that?
Because they probably wouldn't stop calling me.
Why?
Because their exes stopped answering the phone at three in the morning.

We go through life replacing people. I happen to go through life replacing phantoms. I over-use words on a daily basis because I love them. Please none of you start the juices of insecurity over any part of this comical diary entry. I'm exercising a rare case of blunt humor. If you feel you have to curl into fetal position and sob yourself into a better tomorrow, please keep in mind I had nothing to do with it.

It's just because you have a minuscule penis.

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time & machine