16.Jan.2001
12 again
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I won't be denied.
It's been one of those days where the past creeps up, and those unended chapters go flying, trying to desperately re-write themselves. Wow. That sentence is incredibly lame. I'm going to endeavour to use as many casual Chris words as possible. Like insular. I love Chris. Awesome crony.
Since I will be here in Oklahoma for a while longer (until the 3rd of Feb), I've met up with some (very old) friends. Nothing has changed of them, save a major height difference. But I will always be short. One person from school actually remembered me, and enthusiastically chanted my name from across the basketball court. We attended a school game. It was tight.
Of course I unwillingly stumbled into an old flame; it was unreciprocable, as most flames are. I ended up beckoning him from the bleachers before I left with my girlfriend; it took some prodding, however, to get him to come down and talk to me. He, of course, came. I won't be denied.
Despite my thoughts on strict monogamy, I found myself smoewhat attracted to him, which was odd. Much older he is, now. Much older, yet still young. It was school all over again, only this time I was re-writing it all.
Although yesterday was a big disappointment (i.e. waking up as early as possible to get ready for nothing), I still found myself having fun. I want us all to get together again next weekend, and have a small celebration. Though we may deserve it, it will be worth it.
I miss my CDs. I shouldn't have left them in Minnesota. That was a bad idea; in any case, I have a few backup.
I like this dominating feeling of being able to change what once was, and what now is. It's empowering, but it doesn't enlarge the ego. It's grounded. The ability as well as the freedom to change everything.
I won't be denied.
That's just so cool!
There's too much waiting for me, and I need to conquer quickly. Much like the jockette in me stirs from nowhere, and suddenly guarding my basketball net comes on like a heroin withdrawl. Painful, but aware, deeply.
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time & machine