13.Apr.2004
you will never make me miserable.
--
alive and blushing
Glens Falls, New York. Besot by violet eyes. The sensual scrutiny with a blink of nerves. I unfold into a kiss for which I was polite enough to ask. A stretch of this into a near fortnight. Warm fingers and embryonic bliss. The connection was fierce.
In Troy, we associated on the RPI campus with company that delights me to recall. Anime and Memento and Panera Bread and D*Peach Mode and later, Denny's replete with witty banter as I trace the veins in his right wrist beneath the diner's table.
Blushing over the Tappan Zee Bridge. Making amends with incertitude. A diva's living room with Depeche Mode and the boy whose teeth find me even while I'm sleeping, and I'm sick with elation pouring into me from both of their lips.
The East Village, Central Bar, cigarettes and a city that pulses with heat and life. Exactly what I seek. I can't get enough of the city and his profile, and everyone dissolving into a blur of frenetic skin against buildings at which I stop to gawk.
The morning of my birthday found me with both of them at QXT's in New Jersey, spinning my arms to "Halo" and "How Soon is Now" while vinyl-clothed bodies writhed gloriously around me.
Easter/Birthday evening, we ventured to Albany and checked into a hotel, the two of us. Lifting my cold, bare arms above my head over the heat register while the cool shadow of him watches from behind. Sentence fragments and the quasi-promise this is neither the end nor the beginning. Bringing his face down to mine while wrapping his fingers around a necklace I left with him in the airport, sweetly turning away and biting my lower lip. I am terrible with goodbyes.
Detroit, MI at 3:00PM yesterday afternoon and traversing the grounds of Ferndale with Jason in the rain, while Jubal and Donna remain in New York.
I spun minutes in Jason's recording studio and we looped drones and sounds and fingered instruments for a spontaneous jam session, and at the beginning of next week, I will have been recorded and sent to Pittsburgh, PA.
I am giddy, exhausted, pensive, reflective and succumbing to severe touch withdrawal.
Because every recent memory twists filmatically on the insides of my eyelids, and I've beautifully lost my footing over the frames.
I was made for this.
--
time & machine