01.Oct.2002

just let this go

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just let it go

I said:

"I remember about a year ago or so, you used to cruise around late-night suburbia in your car, just looking into the houses, trying to paste stories to their structures, trying to decipher the people inside. Before my child-hood home was sold, I did the same thing. I was maybe 16 or 17 at the time. I think I long for more introspective/extrospective conversations in my life, instead of those plagued by 'try cheerios', and I want to re-make that connection to you."

You made an attempt, a smile cut through the impending wires, head cocked to the side, titter pushed from my teeth.

I said, "I miss you." and "You know, Pi may or may not have changed my life ..."

But you wandered off.

The mere representation of the ties I choose to cut, and the ties which were cut from me. Perhaps this brush-off is circled karma, but my thoughts swell into my head, rise to the surface violently, a selfish thought-paroxysm.

My muscles threaten to cut through this tired skin. I continue tilting my head to the side, immersed in hallucinatory incantations, or perhaps enchanted silence, my fears of your fears are projections, fear of the self, representation.

Dissolve, dissolve, dissolve.

I have bills to pay.



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time & machine